You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the MorningSt. Martin's Press #ad - From the author of the bestselling classics we're just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, comes a collection of essays so funny, Tramp, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as: • why miss north carolina is too nice to hate • how gwyneth paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life • strapped for cash? try cat whispering • Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that? • Get yer Wassail on: It's carolin' time • Airlines serving up one hot mess • Action figure Jesus • Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter • And much more! Complete with a treasure trove of Celia's genuine southern recipes, You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.
Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern EndearmentsSt. Martin's Griffin #ad - Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else. Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, a hilarious look at Southern-and just plain human-foibles, Tramp, up-close and personal.
Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments #ad - So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp. From the wickedly hilarious pen of southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry in high heels or Jeff Foxworthy in a prom dress. Step into the wacky world of "womanless wedding" fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas.
We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern BelleSt. Martin's Press #ad - Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling bless your Heart, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, the land of "Mama and them's, once again, " "precious and dahlin, Tramp, to the south she loves, " and mommies who mow.
. Again. What is the southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. Want to become honest-to-jesus white trash? spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much.
We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle #ad - What does the southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. On the short drive to the preschool, I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar andtoss it into the back seat to my four-year-old. Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself. Studies have shown that it's very importantfor familes to eat together.
You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes.
Rude Bitches Make Me Tired: Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette DilemmasSt. Martin's Press #ad - Rude bitches make me tired will provide answers to all your mannerly questions as Celia discusses the social conundrums of our day and age, including: Navigating the agonies of check splitting "Who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?"The baffling aspects of airline travel such as "Recline Monster" and other animalsThe art of the visit always leave them wanting more.
. In this always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for the modern age Celia Rivenbark addresses real-life quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed hint: it doesn't include tattoos or truck decals.
Rude Bitches Make Me Tired: Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas #ad - Much moregym and locker etiquette hint: no one wants to talk to you while you're buck nakedOffice manners "Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue's unfortunate cyst"And much more!Good manners have never been so wickedly funny! .
You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the PoolSt. Martin's Press #ad - In it you'll find essays on such topics as:- menopause spurs thoughts of death and turkey - i dreamed a dream that my lashes were long- twitter woes: i've got plenty of characters, adopt really Big Kid - Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good! And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTubeAnd much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, Just No Character - Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.
You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool #ad - From the bestselling, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, celia rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides.
The Height of Rudeness: Four Sneak Peek Essays Plus One Exclusive!St. Martin's Press #ad - In this short e-original the height of rudeness, readers will get 5 essays - one never-before-published and 4 "sneak peeks" at the kind of manners advice Celia Rivenbark will be dishing up in her upcoming etiquette book RUDE BITCHES MAKE ME TIRED. Have you been "wait-listed" for your friend's wedding? or, have you been told, via engraved stationery, worse, that you should "Please don't save the date"? This odious and ill-mannered trend must stop! How did it start? How should we cope with such an audacious display of asshattery? Leave it to Mama Celia to help in times like these.
The Height of Rudeness: Four Sneak Peek Essays Plus One Exclusive! #ad - And a word of warning to brides-to-be? Quit showing off your engagement bling to your Facebook friends. They all expect to be invited and they're already shopping for Soda Streams.
Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern WisdomSt. Martin's Press #ad - Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom #ad - Celia rivenbark's essays about life in today's South are like caramel popcorn-sweet, salty, and utterly irresistibleCelia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you'll discover:* how to get your kid into a character breakfast at disneyworld or run the risk of eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy* Secrets of Celebrity Moms don't hate them because they're beautiful when there are so many other reasons to hate them* EBay addiction and why "It ain't worth having if it ain't on eBay" Whoa! Is that Willie Nelson's face in your grits?* Why today's children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls with an abundance of anger issues* And so much more!Rivenbark is an intrepid explorer and acid commentator on the land south of the Mason-Dixon line.
Suck Your Stomach In and Put Some Color On!: What Southern Mamas Tell Their Daughters that the Rest of Y'all Should Know TooBerkley #ad - In this humorous handbook, host of All Things Southern, Shellie Rushing Tomlinson, reveals the all-important lessons Southern Mamas teach their daughters. The host of all things southern shares the sass and strength of Southern mamas in this spunky guide to life. Right game show, raise children, and how to keep that marriage knot tied tight over time.
Readers will discover why blue eye shadow is trashy and learn to interpret regional dialect like the Southern Mama APB, girl, a bulletin translated on Southern streets as: “Give your heart to Jesus, because your butt is all mine!”Shellie carefully breaks down the teachings behind those famous manners and social graces through her firsthand observations and dry wit.
Suck Your Stomach In and Put Some Color On!: What Southern Mamas Tell Their Daughters that the Rest of Y'all Should Know Too #ad - . Woven with quotes from real southern mamas and sprinkled with recipes and other Southern secrets, this book’s a bona-fide celebration of all things south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Here’s everything you need to know from how to cope with the unexpected, compete in the Mr.
Talk Southern to Me: Stories & Sayings to Accent Your LifeGibbs Smith #ad - Visit her at www. Southernwomenchannel. Com. Essays ’bout charm, chewin’ the fat, love, and more—full of yes ma’ams and no sirs, casseroles and cheese balls, beauty and style, parenting, taffeta and pom-poms . And it’s gooder than grits, y’all. She is an actor, film, and producer who has worked in television, writer, and on Broadway.
. If you’re not from the south, pay attention cause there’s a ton of wisdom to be found in these heartfelt, bless your heart, humorous ways. It’s a linguistic art. Plus more southern phrases than you can shake a stick at. She currently resides in venice Beach, California, and is generally irritated that it’s void of proper fried okra.
Talk Southern to Me: Stories & Sayings to Accent Your Life #ad - Southerners speak their own unique version of the English language, and you’ll come to understand it in these pages. South carolina native, home of the viral video series, Julia Fowler, is the creator of YouTube’s Southern Women Channel, Sh%t Southern Women Say. The hilarious book that the south’s very own dolly parton described as “fun, and oh-so Southern, informative, ” Talk Southern To Me is a love letter to the South, y’all.
Sue Ellen's Girl Ain't Fat, She Just Weighs Heavy: The Belle of All Things Southern Dishes on Men, Money, and Not Losing Your Midli fe MindBerkley #ad - Whether giving business tips or debunking the big boned Theory, making political observations or celebrating the inevitable resurgence of big hair, Shellie is an adviser women can relate to and laugh with regardless of their age or which side of the Mason-Dixon they call home. The bestselling author of suck your Stomach In & Put Some Color On! returns with more helpful how-to's and keen observations from Dixie.
Sue Ellen's Girl Ain't Fat, She Just Weighs Heavy: The Belle of All Things Southern Dishes on Men, Money, and Not Losing Your Midli fe Mind #ad - . Guided by principles from the ancient belle doctrine, the host of radio and television's All Things Southern offers down-home advice on everything from health and fitness-managing thy caloric calculations without going Straight Running Crazy and surviving the Raging Inferno Syndrome aka hot flashes-to the Southern art of handling your man Bubba Whispering.